Turns out ‘not a date’ can last a lifetime.
Melinda, the woman who will become my wife of 35 years later this year (if we make it to December 31st still married, that is) once firmly told me, “This is not a date!” This is the story of how that happened.
- The Setup: In September 1990, I was re-emerging into the social world after leaving a challenging job and wanted to see a concert.
- The Cover Story: My real plan was to ask my friend Bruce’s housemate, Melinda, to a wedding later that month.
- 💍 The Surprise: Melinda not only agreed to the wedding but also to the concert, a spontaneous trip to a racetrack, and, less than four months later, marriage.
My plan was to call my friend Bruce about seeing Nick Lowe at Bumbershoot, the Seattle music festival. This was my excuse to get an opening to ask Melinda to a wedding. As it turned out, Bruce wasn’t in town, but he put Melinda on the phone. To my surprise, she immediately agreed to go to both the concert and the wedding with me.
After the concert, as we walked and made small talk, Melinda mentioned she had recently taken up horseback riding. I had connections at Longacres racetrack and could get access to the stables, so I asked if she’d like to see the thoroughbreds sometime. Her face lit up as she asked, “When can we go?” Seizing the moment, I replied, “How about now?”
I think she suddenly realized her enthusiasm might be misinterpreted. We had just been to a concert, she had agreed to be my wedding guest, and now she’d accepted a spontaneous trip to a racetrack. She clearly felt the need to halt any romantic ideas I might be getting. With a tone that matched her words for clarity, she stated, “This is not a date!” My less-than-eloquent response was something along the lines of, “Um, okay.”
Of course, we were married less than four months later. In those three+ decades, we’ve raised two kids to adulthood, started a school, lived in France for a year, become grandparents, and spent nearly every day together.
Occasionally, I’ll ask her if we’ve had a date yet. 😉
Andy Smallman 