Category: Kindness Class

“You Have Been the Victim of a Random Act of Kindness”

Published on by Andy SmallmanLeave a comment

Since the 1990’s I’ve been promoting the importance of ordinary acts of kindness by offering classes, making suggestions via a newsletter, and writing kindness-related articles. A couple of my favorite kindness activities come from when I was facilitating an in-person intergenerational kindness class in a Seattle retirement community in the late 1990’s. The class consisted of elderly residents of the Fred Lind Manor and students from the Puget Sound Community School (PSCS). We met weekly to chat about kindness and, more importantly, to complete a group action.

Early in the term, the students had the idea of delivering flowers to some of the retirement community residents who had a difficult time leaving campus. A florist nearby offered to donate day-old flowers to the cause and we went door-to-door in the community delivering bouquets. One resident, a man, cried upon receiving a bouquet, telling us he’d never been given flowers before. The florist was so generous, a kindness unto itself, that we had a lot of extra flowers. The PSCS students decided to surprise Melinda at the PSCS office and delivered a bouquet to her.

The next week, one of the teens suggested we go to a nearby coffee house and anonymously pay for the coffee of a random stranger, someone who arrives at the counter, orders, only to find their drink has been paid for, a kindness act familiar to most people interested in the subject. I was a little nervous about this idea as I hadn’t taken any of the elders outside of the retirement community before. But the enthusiasm was palpable and, frankly, contagious. I checked with the Activities Coordinator, a person I greatly admired, pretty sure she wouldn’t stop us.

So off we went, walking about five blocks to a nearby coffee house. There were nine of us who went, four teens, four elders, and me. We pooled our pocket change as we walked, planning who would say what, and trying to figure out how we all could inconspicuously sit in the coffee house in order to see our unknown recipient receive our intended kindness.

Can you picture it, four teens, four elders, and me trying to be inconspicuous in a small shop? It was probably 2:30 in the afternoon, too, an odd time to be out.

In we went and up to the counter our chosen representatives went, a teen and an elder, with a couple of dollars in loose change. They tried explaining the idea to the barista, who at first didn’t understand. But after a second or third explanation, she got it and broke into a huge smile. I still remember exactly what she was supposed to say to the recipient of our kindness upon presentation of the drink:

“You have been the victim of a random act of kindness.”

Meanwhile, the rest of us had tried fitting around a small table as far away from the counter as possible but still within eyesight of it. The two rejoined us and we didn’t have long to wait. In walked a person and up to the counter she went. Around our table we tried hard not to stare, each of us individually excited, the collective excitement seeming to scream out our presence.

It went down just as you’d expect it to go down, the person ordered her drink, was told it had been paid for and that she was a kindness “victim.” At first she didn’t seem to understand, then took a second to see if it was some kind of joke. Assured it was legit, she accepted her drink and with a warm smile she walked out of the store. All of this took less than two minutes.

Upon her exit, we exploded with happiness. The barista waved to us and we walked out, united in what felt to us was an act of superhero proportions. The elders seemed younger and the teens wiser. It wasn’t four teens, four elders, and me any more. It was nine people.

We floated back to the reality of the retirement community.

Hearts Expand By Expressing Gratitude

Published on by Andy Smallman2 Comments

Each interaction we have with people opens a metaphorical circle. Simple interactions, like those we have passing a stranger on the street, cause the circles to open and close quickly without much work on our parts. But those interactions we have with people in which something significant takes place create larger circles with larger openings. To close these requires more mindful awareness of our responsibilities in the relationship.

If we move through life learning to open and close our circles with mindful awareness we live happier, more fulfilled lives. Those of us with lots of unclosed circles experience a “cluttered” feeling in our interactions because we have so much unfinished business with others.

With this explanation, I introduced my kindness class to their new assignment – to do something kind for someone who at some point in their lives had helped them. At its core, the assignment was intended to help my students identify circles that were left open in their lives and to try to close one.

“If more people did this the world would be a better place.” So said Elizabeth at our next class session. She was actually quoting what was said to her by the wife of one of her college professors, the person she chose to be the recipient of her kind action.

Elizabeth explained, “In college, I was in my senior year and paying my own way. I got a notification that my bill was unpaid and I wasn’t going to graduate. My professor and his family suggested I stay with them to save on room and board. After all these years, I was able to thank him for his kindness. Without it, I don’t think I could have gone on in my schooling, met my fabulous spouse and got my wonderful job, also teaching. I think we will correspond for a long time, a kindness for both of us.”

People who have helped us, been generous toward us, or have served as a source of inspiration for us are our benefactors. These folks come into our lives to help light our way on our own unique paths.

And they often come into our lives in a way and at a time in which we may not fully appreciate them. This can be, perhaps, for reasons having to do with our youth, how hectic our lives are at the time, or for a number of other reasons. We often best recognize their influence in hindsight.

Other students shared their experiences, including:

  • “When I suddenly found myself alone with five small children and very little money, a friend offered help without unsolicited advice or criticism, including organizing a painting party for my dilapidated house. Today, ten years after her untimely death, I placed flowers on her grave. Her widower and (now) grown children were surprised and touched to find me there…”

  • “I called my cousin this evening to more fully express my gratitude and why I sent her the mum plant. We both had tears and laughter as we talked. A full 35 minutes of deep connecting and appreciating of each other. Yes, we’ve said it and we say it often, but decidedly acknowledging and honoring that gratitude more fully makes it come alive in my own being, and my heart expands from the activity of expressing this gratitude.”

This assignment required Elizabeth and the rest of the students to think about the past, to bring something positive from their lives into the present to both relive and more fully appreciate it. Bringing these stories into the present helped the students acknowledge their importance.

Expressing their gratitude for their benefactors then helped them close the “circle of the story” and feel a profound sense of satisfaction. In closing a circle left open, some of them also were excited to open a new one.

Also of importance, the kindness extended to the benefactors included a solid kindness for the students, too. The statement, “my heart expands from the activity of expressing this gratitude” summarizes this concept perfectly and poetically.

30 December 2016 : Angels on Earth

Published on by Andy SmallmanLeave a comment

On Wednesday this week, a book promoting connections made between people because of kindness was featured on the Today show on NBC. screen-shot-2016-12-30-at-5-32-37-pmWhat makes this extremely relevant is because one of the stories in the book is about my connection to one of my longtime students, Johnny Spangler. Johnny was a student of mine back in 1993, the year before Melinda and I started PSCS. In fact, Johnny came along and was one of our founding students at PSCS! The chapter about us explains how Johnny helped inspire my first kindness class. To this day, he helps me promote kindness.

The author of this new book, “Angels on Earth,” is named Laura Schroff. While researching the book, Laura came across the Kind Living website and gave me a call. Once I told her the story of how Johnny had inspired that first class, she knew she wanted to include it in her book.

“Angels on Earth” has been getting some pretty significant publicity. Not only was Laura interviewed on the Today show this week, the book was recently promoted on the side of a building in Times Square. This may be because Laura’s previous book was a New York Times bestseller translated into 13 different languages.

Speaking of kindness activities, I’m about to start something I’m calling “Anonymous Kindness” via a special eNewsletter. The first message will go out on Sunday and will include new illustrations from Fish Astronaut. You want to participate? Sign up here to be part of it.